Strong Not Skinny

This weather has turned my body upside down with allergies, colds, and everything in between. I have been trying for weeks to recover from not feeing my best. I have been low on energy and less motivated, losing the emotion of getting up and saying “I got this.” From tons of tea, Kombuchas, eating, and endless naps later, I have to get going and start filling my days with life again. Like always, a walk was just what I needed to trigger my thoughts into something I couldn’t see inside my cozy home. So here I am about to rant for a little bit. You ready? Great. Grab a snack, a blanket and come sit with me for a while because we can all relate to one another in some way or form.

Here I go- so, I don’t get nervous to eat or avoid eating, that is not my problem. My problem is feeling anxiety after I eat something. I start to over analyze my body and regret everything that just entered my stomach. Before too long those emotions that are sitting inside can burst into what can be called panic attacks. Within the past year I have been a few of these at the thought of getting larger than my mind can handle. Clearly, I have a fear of gaining weight. Most people have a fear of the dark or of spiders and although those two things can be horrific, mine just happens to be different.

Everyone has a fear. Never assume that someone doesn’t because we all have emotions. Everyone expresses emotion differently, but nevertheless, we all have them. Every human on this planet has the capacity to love, to laugh, to cry, to fear and to communicate these. Communicating any of these emotions doesn’t mean you are weak in any way. It just means that you want to get stronger in certain areas. I admire that quality in anyone who crosses my path because sometimes it’s not about the change itself. It is about wanting to change…

I lost almost 20 pounds going to college and I have successfully gained the amount I needed to back in a healthy and carefree way. How did I do this? I have trained my mind that I don’t have to work out to burn every calorie I eat, I don’t have to drink detox teas for everything to leave my system, and I can eat whatever I want in moderation because my body is a young machine that can combat anything.

This wasn’t easy and still isn’t on certain days because my body had to reverse the damage done and build up rather than break down; however, I didn’t want to do it. You and me can do anything we set our minds to. There is no doubt about that. I told myself I would make it to a certain weight, and I did it, but I often feel regret every day with it. Have you ever done something not because you wanted to do it, but because you had to? This is normal, but how do we change our perspective on this?

I believe in the statement that within your career, do what you love. What you love might make less money than doing something else, but is that the point? Were we given the gift of life to see how much we are worth or how worthy we are? There is a big difference. My worth isn’t my weight and I know that. We can change but wanting to change is the biggest struggle. I have talked to so many people who have been told to change in certain areas for health reasons and others, but that will just go through one ear and out the next because they don’t understand. Let me tell you that there is someone on this planet who understands you! It might not be your mom or best friend. It might even be a stranger!

For example, the past two times I have had a break down at home with my anxious mind attacking my size, God has sent me two people I never really talked two. Still blows my mind! As soon as I have wiped tears, my phone has blown up with someone introducing herself to me and expressing their similarity with their heart and mind. Like what? One girl is someone from New Jersey who is a blogger herself! I have posted her blog before and encourage you to read it! Her motto is “No judging, Just growing” and I love that!

We are continuously growing. Physically we will stop at some point, but our hearts and minds never stop. Today is YOUR DAY! Don’t get in a slump of saying oh well that person is far more ahead than me so I can’t do it. Refuse to settle for the Earth’s weight on you. Allow your heart and mind to reach out to people who you don’t even know. I know so many people right now traveling the world, taking new jobs, dating new people, and trying new things. How beautiful a life is of making your life worth talking about. Your fear can be your biggest tool to success.

My fear of not working out transformed into walks for about a mile or two. I did that every day and still do in addition to walking to class. Now, I have gotten to a point where I can jog then walk for a little over two miles before the hips and knees hurts. Regardless, I eat a protein filled snack before and an actual meal after! An apple and peanut butter isn’t a meal…took me a while to realize that, but it is the perfect snack! I also have people who influence me in positive ways to keep me working out and eating in a balanced way. Find those people to keep you going! They might not understand but they can encourage. Reach out to me if you need someone to just say i’ve been there. Reach out to people and fuel your body because every step you make can go in the right direction even if you have come to a halt.

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